World Series of Training

Why are you going to Omaha this weekend?

For the College World Series. I want to see TCU and Clemson up against each other, man.

…and for training. We’re going for training.

Factory Scheduled Maintenance

Dude, if I owned a Hornet I would wait so long before ever spending any money on the FCS [flight control system]. I ‘d wait for like three X’s on a stabilator and then I’d say, “honey, I’m going to have to spend a few thousand dollars this week.”

SOD

Sim Instructor #1: No low releases. What are you going to get from a low release?

RAC: get fragged.

SI #1: …maybe. What are you definitely going to get?

RAC: a SOD.

SI #1: That’s right! And what color paper is a SOD written on?

RAC: pink.

SI #1: Yeah, and we hate pink. Pink only looks good on my wife’s and my girlfriend’s underwear. You know what I’m saying?

SI #2: Well, my girlfriend doesn’t wear underwear

SI #1: My man! Has she got a sister?

The More You Know…

So pull away from the ground as if you’re actually afraid of it. Pull twice as far as you’re supposed to, and then start the bank.

Back when I was flying this plane, we’d pull up past the horizon and then jink left while we climbed. That’s because we thought that because the gun was rifled this way [clockwise twirling finger], the bullets would fly up and to the right. Well one night at Fallon I hit the trigger and saw a frapping NBC peacock. So, like many other things we were told, that just wasn’t true.

But at least we pulled away from the horizon. Any questions?

Right-Handed Pattern

(while student is about to put on the g for tip-in)

Just relax and disregard that feeling that you’re about to depart the jet. That’s normal for naval aviators flying a right-handed pattern.

Warm Beer

What’s the most important switch in the jet?

The weight-on-wheels switch?

NO!

The trigger?

NO! What do you have to do before that?!

Oh, the mas…

The master arm! If you forget that one and I say we’re committed, what’s going to happen?

I gue–

I’m going to have two Silver Stars and you’re gonna have nothing. I’ll be dancing on the bar with hot chicks drinking cold beer and you’ll be in the corner, drinking warm beer with the fat chicks.

Sorry…not to interrupt…

Hessian

“Just stick your lift vector on him and ride around. You know where that lift vector is pointed, right?”

(nod, nod)

“Right out the top of your head…like a Hessian helmet.”

ILS

I don’t know why we aren’t just converting to ILS. The machine doesn’t have kids that need healthcare.

Vortex Thing Fate

“What are those things on the ends of the wings?”

“Those are wingtip vortices.”

“Oh…what do they do with them?

“What?”

“What are they there for?”

“They’re normal…you typically have them only around takeoff or when accelerating the plane.”

“So do they drop them into the water at some point?”

Fly Detector

Doc: (while inserting some device into subject’s ear) Have you ever had allergies?

Pilot: Nope

Doc: Would you tell me the truth if you had?

Pilot: …yes

Doc: I don’t believe you, anyway. I never trust aviators.